Relaxing night

This guy is forever my hero. Singer, writer, and an actor. Triple threat. Pure talent.

What are you doing looking at the ground like that? Keep your head up, kid. You know better than that. You’re better than that.

Look, I get it. Honestly, I do. Because I’ve been there, kid. I have. But you know what? Looking down at the ground and “feeling sorry for yourself” isn’t going to get you anywhere. Trust me, kid. I know it’s hard to see clearly right now. Hell, it’s hard to see anything right now. But you have too much in front of you and too many things to do.

Do you want to let her down? Do you want to fall short? Better yet, can you live with that? Can you live with the fact of knowing you could have been “someone” but never went out and did it? Because I don’t think you can, kid. I’ve seen you. I’ve seen what you can do. You’ve got passion, kid. So why are you sitting around and wasting it?

Don’t think I haven’t heard your story, kid. Because I have. I’ve heard it thousands of times. Now, you can fall into the same trap most people fall into. You can look away from your dream and settle for whatever is in your path. I mean, why wouldn’t you do that? It’s easier. It’s more convenient. It’s what everyone else does, right? So why shouldn’t you?

Wake the hell up, kid. Do you really want to be another one of those people? Do you really want to be mediocre? Or do you want to actually finish what you started?

Do you have the courage to finish what you started?

It’s not about me, kid. No, not anymore. It’s about you now. You’re the one that made the promise to her. You’re the one that told her you would be “someone”. You’re the one that wants to make it in this world. So what the hell are you waiting for? Do you think staring at the ground like that is going to get you any closer to your dream?

I’m sorry, kid. But you’re the one with the dream here. And nobody claimed that pursuing a dream was ever easy- especially when it’s a big dream. You go to sleep every night thinking about it. And you wake up every morning wanting to be in it. So, let me ask you this: If you spend so much time wanting to be “someone”, why aren’t you spending more time actually becoming “someone”.

I’m being tough on you kid only because I care. I care about people like you. I know things haven’t exactly been easy. Especially lately. And yet, you still keep going. No matter how hard things get, you keep going. And you could have changed, kid. You could have changed and gone down different paths thousands of times in your life. But you didn’t, did you? You stayed true to who you were. You stayed the same person. You stayed you.

Look, kid. I’m on your side. My money is on you. I know the kind of person you are. But until you lift your head up, they’re never going to see you. And then what? Then where will you be? Then where will the dream be?

It’s not easy because it isn’t. Nothing is. But that won’t stop you, kid.

Will it? 

It’s finally happened- my life has ceased to become linear.

Please allow me to explain:

Everything up until the end of college is a completely straight and linear path. That is to say, everybody (pursuing education, that is) moves down a straight line in the hopes of reaching the common goal: earning that damn degree.

“I finished first grade? Great, time to move on to second grade. Oh, I’m done with seventh grade now? Watch out, eighth grade, here I come! High school is already over? Well, looks like my college days have begun! College is over?

…wait, what the hell do I do now?”

You see, as cliche as it may sound, I didn’t notice this linear path set out before me until it was already over. Part of the comfort of being a kid and learning to grow up is the fact that we are all in the same exact place (for the most part). We’re assigned two lifelong tasks when we’re younger: 1) Get an education 2) Get a job. But what happens when you have the education, but not the job? My life is a linear path still, right? So now that I have an education, the next step in my straight-forward path is to get a job… right?

Wrong.

Getting a job after college isn’t the same linear path as school. Sure, in school you make choices that reflect the career that you will get in your life. But ultimately, it isn’t as simple as “go on to the next grade”. Once college is finished, the paths begin to open up. Suddenly a straight forward path we’ve been traveling down our entire life becomes a labyrinth that we’re supposed to somehow navigate in order to reach the next point of our life.

I’ve only spent about two weeks beginning to navigate that labyrinth and I’ll tell you: it’s pretty overwhelming. But if you look at it from a different angle, the labyrinth of real life also becomes pretty exciting. Think about it: Look at all the different paths you can take. Sure, some might lead to a dead end and true, others might not take you exactly where you pictured. However, those paths areyoursto take. This is what you’ve been preparing your entire life for- this is where it all begins.

To be honest, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t frightened like everyone else is after college. Like I said, the labyrinth of real life IS overwhelming at first glance. And given the current state of the economy, breaking into the specific path you want to take is becoming increasingly more difficult. Not impossible- just more difficult. I think that the smartest thing a person can do after college is to stop staring at the labyrinth from a safe distance, and just jump right into it. We waste so much time in life staring at things that overwhelm us. Instead, why not just go into it and try and make something of ourselves? After all, it’s not like we can get anywhere in life from just dreaming. We have to back those dreams up with real, genuine hard work.

The labyrinth is right in front of me. And I still have no idea where I’m supposed to go in it. But does that mean I’m giving up? Not by a long shot. Instead of being freaked out like every other post-graduate student who goes to live at home with their family again, I’m going to try and embrace the endless amount of choices I can make in my life right now. My path may not be linear anymore, but so what? That was getting boring. And besides, I’ve always been a fan of variety.

Give me some choices. Give me some options. Give me the opportunity to prove I can make my dream come true.

-Kyle

Joining a fraternity is undoubtedly one of the biggest decisions a gentleman will make not only within his entire college years, but perhaps within his entire life. This is due to the fact that, as I am sure many of you have heard before, joining a fraternity is a life long commitment. The letters that YOU choose to wear will be the same letters that YOU wear (with pride) for the rest of your entire life. In many ways, it is like getting a tattoo imprinted on your body. Everything you do from that point on will be associated with those particular letters. And everything you become from that point on will be because of those particular letters.

It is for this reason that when looking into joining a fraternity, you will want to be sure that you commit to the one that is most right for the individual. And yet, how does one ever truly know? How does one ever truly know what the “right” choice to make is? After all, each fraternity will tell you something different. Each fraternity will offer you something different. Each fraternity will want you to pay something different. And above all, each fraternity will BE different.

One of the biggest, and yet, most rewarding challenges a gentleman may endure in his life is deliberately choosing to make a difficult or tough decision. As I have already mentioned, joining a fraternity is indeed a life long commitment. It is a decision that only those with courage will make. And only those that share a thirst to become something better will succeed in.

If you’ve read this far, then you are probably already considering the possibility of joining a fraternity this upcoming fall at UCI. Therefore, the biggest question that now remains is this:

“Which fraternity do I want to try and join and why?”

Potential gentlemen and rushees, please allow me to turn my voice into a more personal tone:

It was no longer than a year ago today that I had absolutely no idea I was ever going to join a fraternity. To be completely honest, I had never even considered it. All the stereotypes I had seen or heard of were so off putting to me that I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. In fact, just the idea of hazing another human being absolutely disgusted me. I couldn’t imagine a person spitting in my face one second and then suddenly calling me a “brother” the next.

And then, while pondering about the approaching fall, I remembered a couple of the people from a fraternity at UCI I had randomly encountered throughout my first year of being a transfer student. We meet many faces in life, and many of those faces will either stick to us or simply fade away. However, for some reason, that, to this very day, I cannot fully describe, those particular people I had met stood out to me. There was something different about them. Something refreshing. Something new.

They were Sigma Nu.

A few days before the official rush started, I decided I would go out on a limb and take a chance. I wanted to see what this “Sigma Nu” was all about. I wanted to see what was so different about the few people that I had met previously that year at school. So on the first official day of rush, I walked towards the flagpoles where we were supposed to meet up, not knowing what or who I would find in this fraternity. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for at that moment in my life. I just knew that I was looking for something more. Turns out, walking blindly towards those flagpoles was the best decision I had ever made.

I immediately began to realize that everything I had imagined in fraternities was simply that— my imagination. At least, within this particular fraternity it was. All the stereotypes were false. All the assumptions were a lie. And the dozens of brothers I was thrown in to suddenly meeting were all sincere. They were all what I considered to be “real” and all genuinely shared the desire to get to know the person that I was. Most of all, however, they all shared one important quality in common: They were all gentlemen.

As about an hour went by, I made it to the BBQ event they were holding for us at another brother’s house. After talking to a few of the brothers in one-on-one conversations, it began to hit me just how well they knew one another. It seemed as if each brother knew everything there was to know about all the other brothers. Whether it was where the person grew up, the other person’s favorite team, or a random fact from their childhood, these brothers knew everything about one another. And they cared about one another equally as well.

At first, I thought I had only met the ones that knew each other. You know, the ones that seemed to “have it down”. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that they were all on the same level with each other. They were all brothers. They were all friends. And this was indeed a true brotherhood.

From that day forth, I had been given such a positive first impression that I continued going to the rush events. And each one did not disappoint. In addition to meeting new faces, I continued learning more and more about what Sigma Nu was all about: Its principle values of love, honor and truth. Its overall intention to build stronger and better leaders. And the fact that it was founded on NON-HAZING. It seemed as if all my questions had been answered. And all my doubts that I had had previously in fraternities had been erased.

I got the bid. On the last day of recruitment I accepted the bid. And with that, I began my journey into becoming a Sigma Nu at UCI.

What’s candidacy like? Well, to put it into the words of a famous quote: “From the outside looking in you can never understand it. From the inside looking out you can never explain it.”

So yes, a year ago today, I had absolutely no idea I was ever going to join a fraternity. But it was also a year ago today that I was half the person I am now. It was a year ago today I was missing something in my life. It was a year ago today I lacked leadership qualities. It was a year ago today I didn’t have half the confidence I do now. It was a year ago today I wasn’t a Sigma Nu. I think you know where I am going with all this.

Today, I am the current president of the Lambda Omicron chapter of Sigma Nu at UCI. And I have never been more proud to belong and represent anything in my entire life. As fall rush slowly approaches, I encourage you all to take the same chance I did. To step out of your comfort zone and choose to make a tough decision.

Finally, If you’re only looking for just another fraternity to party with, Sigma Nu isn’t right for you. If you’re only looking for just another fraternity to meet girls with, Sigma Nu isn’t right for you.

However, if you’re looking for a true brotherhood… If you’re looking for a way to become a better leader… If you’re looking to be something more…  Then we would like you to take that chance so that we might have the same chance to meet you.

Fraternally,

Kyle Lambky

Eminent Commander

Through the years, I’ve learned that there are some things in life you just have to give up on.

The only problem is, as Kanye would say: “For me, giving up’s way harder than trying”

I learned a long time ago that the best (not to mention the most convenient) way I am able to express my thoughts and feelings is through writing. Unfortunately, I often make the embarrassing mistake of doing this verbally, which, basically, comes back to bite me every time. So this time, I’m going back to the basics. I’m going back to what I’m “good” at. Because for the first time in over 10 weeks… I actually have some free time.

So here we go:

A little over 10 weeks ago, I made probably the best decision of my life and decided to rush for Sigma Nu. I had been struggling with making that decision since January of this year, and what it really came down to was whether or not I wanted to step out of my comfort zone. Between January and late September, there had been so many signs in my life that joining a fraternity was that certain “thing” I was supposed to do next in my life. And well, I decided to stop ignoring it. And here I am, 10 weeks later…

..And honestly, I didn’t think it was possible to grow this much as a person in such a short period of time. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a long way to go before I’m where I want to be as a person. But how is that any different from the rest of the world? The facts remain, however, that since joining a fraternity I have never been as sure of myself than I am now. Not to mention, I haven’t ever felt this happy in my life. And that’s something I’m welcoming with wide open arms.

Sorry about that. Moving on…

I took a walk around my neighborhood for a good two hours tonight. Anyone that knows me well enough knows that walks are my way of relaxing and getting things together in my mind. Tonight was a little different though. I guess it’s finally starting to hit me about how fast things in my life have been moving over the past 10 weeks. And yet, it’s all been in the best possible ways. I’m not complaining that things are moving fast. In fact, I’m accepting of it and ready for whatever comes next. But tonight was the first night where I actually took the time to think about a lot of the things that have happened in the last 10 weeks of my life.

And just thinking about it all made me exhausted. Winter break couldn’t have come at any better of a time… it’s nice to have these weeks to myself and the people I care about around me.

Now, on to a side of things I didn’t really want to write about. But I feel the need to let things go a little bit.

This time of the year is actually pretty hard for me. I always play it off like everything’s fine, but I’m finding that this year it’s a lot harder than others. The plain and simple truth is that I miss having my mom around. I can’t help but think about the holidays and all the amazing memories I have of sitting under the tree next to her opening presents in her lap. And it gets harder and harder each year for me to accept the fact that there will never ever be a time in my life like that again.

I know that everything happens for a reason, but at the same time, I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if my mom never got cancer. How much different would things be? And yet, what kind of a person would I be? How much farther ahead in life would I be if she was still here?

I can’t help but wonder. But it is what it is. And this is my life and where I’m at. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she’s gone, but I’m human. Of course I’ll admit that I miss her more around the holiday time. How could I not? But I know that I have to be strong for my dad because he’s been strong for me. I also know that a lot of people don’t ever get to say goodbye to the person they love before they die.. and I actually had the opportunity to do that. And that… that’s something I will never take for granted. Because in the blink of an eye, everything can change.

Part of the reason I try so hard is to make someone proud that isn’t even here anymore. Maybe that’s unhealthy. Maybe that’s bad. But the fact is, at least I have motivation in my life because of my mom. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without everything that happened to her. And I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t be who I am today if she didn’t leave.

It’s hard to believe things happen for a reason, especially when they’re such horribly painful things at the time… but it’s true. Everything has a purpose. And, as cliche as this sounds, I actually know, or rather, believe, that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in my life right now.

Irvine. UCI. An English major. My dreams. Sigma Nu. My friends. The people I care about.

Everything is where it’s supposed to be.

So let’s see what happens next.

(ps this is definitely a stream of consciousness writing. So basically, I’m writing the first things that come in to my head and not going back to change anything. I like it that way. It’s more natural. That’s why this probably comes off as being so scattered. Oh wellllll!)

(from a few months ago)

Hey kid,

What’s wrong? Why you staring at the ground like that? Don’t you know you should be keeping your head up? You’re a winner, but you just don’t know it yet. You’re too sad, confused— you’re stuck. You think that this moment is forever. You’re looking down and missing everything that’s ahead of you. Lift your head up, kid. Lift it up and see everything that’s in front of you.

Kid, I’m not going to lie to you. What you have in front of you isn’t easy. But that’s because you have things to do— things to prove. You said you had a dream didn’t you? I heard you say it. Don’t think I didn’t. And I know you’re one of those kids that lays awake at night, thinking about your dreams. Keeping you up late until the last thought that goes through your mind is of being that “something”. Being that “someone”. I know that feeling too kid, because I had dreams too. But I didn’t get them by just staring at the ground, settling for the first thing my eyes traced upon.

Look, kid. I want you to win. I want you to make it. Now, if you want to give up on your dreams and lower the bar, then by all means do it. It’s your life and you’re only as good as how much you think you’re worth. But kid, I heard what they said about you. I heard how they spoke of you. They had faith in you, so what’s stopping you from having faith in yourself? Look up, kid. Look up and keeping raising your head up. Keep raising your head up until you’re looking at the dream. Now, there’s going to be a lot of things that will make you want to put your head down. But you have to keep it up there. Because kid, it’s worth it. You’re worth it. And people will tell you otherwise. Everywhere you go, people will tell you otherwise. But you can’t listen to them, kid. You can only listen to yourself.

I’m sorry kid, but you’re the one with the dream here. Not me. Not anymore at least. I already got what I wanted. Look, you knew it wouldn’t be easy the second you made that promise to her. You knew what you were getting yourself into. If you walk away from this, then you’re walking away from everything you could be. And then who the hell would you be? Just another kid that gave up on his dream? Just another kid that gave up? Just another kid?

Wake up, kid. Go out there and get what you’re worth.